Memories: The day I like to forget.
October 17, 1989 marks a very unique day in my life. What started as a normal day, ended in me being the victim of a 1st degree robbery with a deadly weapon – (click to watch my story). It is also the same day a 6.9 earthquake rocked the San Francisco bay area.
Each year on October 17th I wake up pretty much forgetting this unique anniversary. Until…I catch a news clip marking the anniversary of the earthquake. Than a wave of memories and feelings (I prefer to stay suppressed) begin to flood my heart and thoughts.
- Thankful I survived
- Sad the young men went to prison
- Embarrassment when I recall being pulled from the shower completely vulnerable.
- Distress when I recall trying to call 911
- Relief when some finally arrived at the house to help me
But the strongest emotion from those memories is fear. Fear showed up uninvited and continued to stay in my life as a stronghold for years. This lifelong battle infiltrated my life on a daily basis. My overbearing protection for my daughter. Dread, when I will be home alone during the night if Stephen was traveling. Panic that someone I love will be taken from me. Unfortunately, this list was never ending as I looked over the years since the robbery.
I wish I could say I had a “one-time” Jesus experience that healed me instantly. Instead, it has been an up and down journey. Some seasons I feel stronger, like I am fear proof. But then something will happen, and the fear will come flooding back.
Thankfully, in the right moment a new beautiful memory begins.
Last fall, I was reading Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldridge. Eldridge shares a story of helping a young man remember a painful memory. As he walks him through the memory, he asks, “Where was Jesus in the room?”
So, I started to reflect on a couple of my most difficult moments. The first was when my husband, Stephen was hooked up to a ventilator during his congestive heart failure. I asked Jesus to show me where He was in the room. I could see Him standing behind Stephen, holding his head. Next, I asked Jesus to show me where He was during the robbery. It was so beautiful. He was standing beside me, protecting me from the man with the gun. His eyes were on me!
Isaiah 43:4 – Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.
Perhaps, you need Jesus to add a new beautiful memory to an old hurtful memory. Over the next few days, ask Jesus to show you where He was during your difficult memory. I know He will show Himself to you. He will turn those memories around. You will never remember those memories the same; they will have a new meaning.
