“Insecurity kills all that is beautiful.”
Unknown
No one wants to deal with insecure feelings. No one wants to go from relationship to relationship with a side eye because of distrust issues. No one wants to have been in traumatic situations that resulted in unhealthy projections onto precious relationships.
Unfortunately, we cannot always control what happens to us. We cannot predict when other people may betray our trust. Sometimes, we don’t even realize the toll betrayal has had in our lives until we see the signs of distrust and insecurity that have left a trail of brokenness.
If you find yourself with a trail of broken relationships, you may consider that chronic insecurity is one of the causes. Chronic insecurity behaviors such as constantly needing reassurance, snooping, or accusations can push your partner and friends away.
What are the signs?
What are the signs that you’re dealing with insecurity? Notice, I said dealing with insecurity. You are not an insecure person; God has a better design for you my friend. Here are a few questions to help you uncover the signs of insecurity in your life:
- Are you hyper focused on that person all day?
- Do you expect the other person to stay in contact with you all day?
- What are your first comments to others: “Why haven’t you called sooner?”, “Where are you?” “Where have you been?” or “Who are you with?”
- Are you cyber stalking their every move, continuously checking their social media pages?
- Do you have inappropriate access to their email?
- If you do not hear from someone or they do not respond back, does this effect your day or mood?
Ugh, that is me!
I am not writing this to shame you if you find yourself identifying with some of these chronic insecure behaviors. Instead, I want to encourage you that you don’t have to continue living like this.
First things first. Who are you? Who are you in Christ?
You are chosen!
“And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. Having given them right standing, he gave them his glory. What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” Romans 8:30-31 NLT
You are courageous!
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 NLT
Let those verses penetrate deep into your heart and soul. Let His Word be the foundation for how you see yourself and how you see others. This will not happen overnight, but it will happen if you make it a daily habit to meditate on His good words.
Know your triggers.
Our insecure feelings are sometimes the result of a traumatic experience. Perhaps you were abandoned, cheated on, manipulated or constantly put down. Those are very real, legitimate feelings to deal with. I want to encourage you to seek help from a counselor or trusted friend. You don’t have to fight this alone.
Focus on what you can change.
The good news is the insecure feelings don’t have the authority to dictate your future or future relationships–you can heal from this. It may take time and that is all right. Small changes each day will lead to a better you. So what are some areas that are in your control that you can change?
- Take an electronics/social media sabbatical. If you secretly have someone else’s passwords, perhaps you need to fess up and have him or her change their information. Too much inappropriate knowledge leads to fear.
- Re-train your self on how many times you check your phone for messages and texts.
- Learn to greet differently. Instead of negative questions, try something positive like, “It is good to hear your voice” or “Hey, how are you?” Anything would be better than detective like questions.
- Schedule some self care. Walk away from negative people.
- Don’t over think every situation. This can create paranoia and distrust.
My prayer is for you to know how precious you are to God and those around you. My prayer is that you will be proud of yourself as you walk through the healing process…that you will experience healthy relationships where you are valued!
Peace and Love,
